Godfather
by queen-severus
Summary: AU: severus' only way back to lily is through harry. but how to achieve this when sirius lay hold to harry through being his godfather? Set sometime around harry's 5th or sixth year
1. Prologue and Intro

Disclaimer:  obviously, these characters are not mine, but are jk rowlings.  If they were mine, I would be writing FICTION, not FANFICTION lol.  Hope you enjoy.  BTW, thanx matt for the literary help!  More chapters to come as the muses inspire.  Prolly a/b one a week, b/c of class.

Author's Note:  This takes place in the middle of Yr. 5

           _Lily and James' son.  Lily's son.  Not Lily and Severus' son, as it should have been.  Lily and Severus' son if the Dark Lord had not BECOME.  It was not his fault.  He could not help being born to his damnable family.  Pureblood, Mudblood, Squib…  these meant nothing to him, except that Pureblood forced him to the Dark Lord and away from Lily.  Harry, who was so like Lily, but looked just like James.  Lily's eyes.  Lily's eyes in Harry's gaze.  Lily's eyes looking at him with such contempt.  He could hear Harry's thoughts.  If he heard Harry's mind scream "Greasy-haired Bloody GIT!!" one more time while looking at him with Lily's eyes once more, he would scream!  Harry was the only person other than the Dark Lord that made him hate his Legilmency skills.  Was that razor-edged mind  yet another thing that Harry had  inherited from the Dark Lord?_

_           Soon. Very soon.  His plan was almost complete.  Soon Harry would be his.  Lily would be his once again…_

[...]

           Blue smoke filled the Potions dungeon.  _How the HELL do you get blue smoke from a simple sleeping draught??  None of the ingredients combined in any way make blue smoke!_  His question was soon answered, for Neville _the idiot_ stuck his hand into his cauldron and fished out his wand, which was now missing chunks of the wood, a single phoenix feather poking out of the side.  _Ah, so the boy's wand has a phoenix-feathered core…  Very interesting…  But why would Frank Longbottom have a wand with a feather from Fawkes residing in its core.  It must have come from Ollivander, because the Longbottoms didn't have the means to go to the Continent for supplies.  And if the prophecy is true, then it would make sense that Harry and Neville could have the same core in their wands.  Ollivander knows of the prophecy, and he certainly would not tell Harry… he might even lie and say the ONLY the Dark Lord's had the same construction to keep Harry from knowing…  But if they all share the same core as the Dark Lord's…  I must remember this for later.  This could greatly affect my plan._

"Mr. Longbottom, will you inform me as to why you thought the fourth step of this potion was to drop your wand into your cauldron?  Exactly what part of 'add two grams essence of flobberworm to the pot, stirring three times counterclockwise' in any way shape or form looks like 'You petty excuse for a wizard.  Why don't you drop your only responsive remnant of your father into your steaming cauldron, just to see what happens'?"

           Neville began to cry, as did many of the Gryffindor students in the room.  _Have I gone to far?  Probably, but when had that ever stopped "Evil Professor Snake"??_

           Lily's eyes glaring at him.  Green flames that reminded him so much of the Dark Lord spewing from Lily's eyes_. I have gone too far.  How will I ever be able to complete my plan  if Harry harbors nothing but contempt for me?_

           "Mr. Potter, explain to me EXACTLY what you meant by the tone of that look."

"Nothing, Professor."

           "Five points from Gryffindor."

           "But Professor Sn.."

           "Shall I make it ten?"

           "No, Professor Snape…"

           _Why do I have to be so harsh towards the boy?  It is because he is so like James?  Or the Dark Lord?  Or, is it because I haven't been there for Harry as I should have been, and feel that I have  to raise him in the short time I've been near him?  Do I expect too much from the boy?  After all, he IS James' son…  That was a case of a Pureblood polluting a Muggle-born's genes.  So, how to rectify this situation?_

           "Mr. Potter, please remain after class has ended."

           Either through actually hearing it or through Legilmency, he heard Harry whisper, "What the hell is he going to yell at me for now?" to which Ronald _yes another bleedin' _Weasley responded "Probably looking like your father."

           _This conversation is not going to be pleasant._

           Class ending.  Students fleeing the room as if being freed from Auschwitz.  Harry staying behind, glaring…

           "Mr. Potter, I realize that you are well aware of the situation concerning Mr. Longbottom's father.  I…apologize if I upset you in any way."

           "Why don't you apologize to Neville, **_Snivellus_**."  Harry storms out.

           _That GODDAMNED child.  If he only knew how close he really was to his beloved Snivellus, would he show more respect?  Would he love me as Lily does?  Did?  Did...  Even now, it is hard to speak of her in the past tense.  I will never be able to think of her as dead.  Especially when I see her every day GLOWERING at me.  Lily, who never glared at me, never so much as gave me a look that wasn't overflowing with love._

_           Completing this plan is going to be harder than I thought…_


	2. Fire

Disclaimer:  HP isn't mine, yadda yadda yadda, just read and respond.

Author's Note:  This takes place in the middle of Yr. 5

_            Polyjuice Potion.  Its evil subtleties fascinate me.  Stupid Potter.  He didn't even feel me pull those hairs off of his robe.  What sweet irony.  Potter steals ingredients from ME to make a Polyjuice Potion to gain even more unneeded fame, and then I use the same potion to get him.  To get Her.  To have Lily again.  Padfoot should never have visited him at the train station.  Won't he feel stupid when he realizes what an unfortunate mistake he has made.  My month of labor has paid off.  But is drinking the few hairs from Sirius' head worth it?  YES.  Lily is worth all._

            He drank the potion; soon he is staring at the sallow complexion of famed killer Sirius Black.  _Ha, as if Sirius would have killed those innocent Muggles.  But, the stupidity of the masses had been worth it:  Sirius had rotted away in Azkaban, as could be seen from the form he now gazed upon.  TOO BAD THEY DIDN'T SUCK YOUR SOUL OUT, PADFOOT…_

            He had sent an owl to Harry from "Snuffles," telling him of his upcoming visit.  He had instructed Harry not to tell anyone else of this special visit, because knowing that irritating Granger, she'd be able to see through his ruse.  Casting a spell on the fire, he prepared to speak to Harry.  He had been smart enough to save some of Longbottom's sorry Sleeping Draught and had dropped some of it into Umbridge's goblet during dinner.  _With any luck, the mixture will kill the overgrown Pepto-Bismal-clad HAG.  If nothing else, it will keep her out of the fires for just long enough._

"Harry? "

            "Sirius!  You know Umbridge is watching the fires!  What was so important?"

            "Harry, you must listen to me, and you MUST believe what is say.  I am not your real Godfather."

            "Funny Sirius.  So what's so important?"

            "BE QUIET AND LISTEN TO ME!"  Harry's face fell.  _Apparently, Sirius has never yelled at the lad.  I must be more careful._  "I begged Dumbledore to allow me to reveal myself to you as your godfather.  You know how much I loved your parents, especially James.  _If I have to go much farther with this sappiness, I'll vomit!_  You're the last part of your father left in the world, and I felt I owed it to him to raise you as he and Lily _yes Lily _would have."

            "But Sirius, who else would my parents have picked for my godfather.  I mean, the only person left would have been Remus, and you could have been around me with him as my godfather."

            "Harry, Remus is not your godfather.  I wish he were.  _I'm sick of spewing these lies.  One it is painful to say such rot, and two I am sick of all the lies._  All this would be much simpler if that were the case."

            "Well if not Remus, then who?"

"Snivel…" _I can't bring myself to say it out loud_.  "Snape."

            "WHAT?!?!?"  _I suppose such a reaction is expected.  Not welcome, but still expected._

            "Yes.  It was to have been me.  But for some reason your mother insisted it be Snape.  _Some reason indeed.  I'd have love to see the look on Harry's face if I had told him the truth: that it was because she love me like she never loved your father.  _James never trusted Snape, so he was quite reluctant.  I know that he would have preferred I take care of you after his death than Snape, and Snape didn't seem to care anything about you _If Harry only knew how much he cared for Lily… him…_, so I thought it was best for you if we told you that I was your Godfather."

            "Sirius.., why are you telling me all of this"

            "Because if something happens to me because of the order _which being the reckless dolt that Black is I'm sure will happen _ I want you to know that Snape will be there for you."

            "Yeah, as much as he is there for me now.  You know, he took five points from Gryffindor because I gave him a dirty look??  He made fun of NEVILLE's parents.  What kind of horrible thing could do that??

            Snape could not help but wince at Harry's words.

            "Look, I told Snape that I was going to tell you this.  Things might start to change from here on out."

            "Oh, so instead of failing me in Potions, reading my mind in Occlumency, and watching my every move, he'll suddenly be dear ol' Dad??  I'd bloody LOVE to see that."

            _How will I ever get through to this child?  _"Harry, it's getting late, so I'm going to let you go to sleep.  …   …  I love you, Harry."

            And without letting Harry respond, he vanished from the fireplace.


	3. The Stag

Disclaimer:  harry potter is not mine etc. etc.  btw, I threw in some humor so y'all didn't kill yourselves.  Thanks for all the reviews.  Keep 'em rolling!

Author's Note:  This takes place in the middle of Yr. 5

            _Neville's sleeping draught had worked far too well.  Umbridge had not woken for three days.  I think Dumbledore has some idea of what happened, but he (along with the rest of the school) does not seem too worried.  Finally, after all these years a Defense class.  Quirrell had been a fool, Lockhart a poof, Lupin… I  won't even start on him, quasi-Mad-Eye Moody, and finally the ugly Pink Blob.  These fifth years didn't know a damn thing.  How could they possibly pass their O.W.L.S. in this wretched state?  For Harry's sake, I must appear at least tolerant of these students.  All of them, not just Harry._

The class trudges in.  _The Bataan Death March actually looked like a parade in Piccadilly Circus compared to the looks on these student's faces.  _Harry, Ron, and Hermione sat conferring in the corner of the Defense classroom.  _I don't even have to attempt to listen to know they're talking about last night's little show.  Let's see how this goes.._

            "Ok, class, judging from the syllabus, it seems you've learned absolutely nothing this year.  While this isn't any different than any other year, I find it surprising for an, ahem, Ministry approved course…"  _What, no laughs?  Not even a snigger?  Bah dum, CHING!  No one's ever understood my humor…  except Lily_  "In short, you miserable fifth years know less about Defense Against the Dark Arts than Mrs. Norris.  This shall soon change.  Miss Granger, name one misconception about vampires."

            "It is often believed that vampires MUST sleep in a coffin, but this is not the case.  While a coffin is the safest place for them to retire during the sunlight hours, it was proven in Anne Rice's documentary Interview with a Vampire that all that is required of a vampire is to stay out of direct sunlight.  She found through her interview that…"

            "Thank you, Miss Granger, that will more than do."  _Did I just say thank you to her?  Being nice to Harry and his… friends was going to be more difficult than he ever imagined.  And this was only the beginning._  "Mr. Malfoy, what is a baby mandragora plant's first defensive instinct?"

            "To bite the closest thing to their mouth, Professor."  If Malfoy's teeth had been clenched any harder they would have disintegrated.  The class roared with laughter.  _I knew I could get them to laugh…_

            "Well, I see you all aren't complete dunces.  Mr. Potter, what is the proper incantation to send away Dementors?"

            Harry raised his wand and screamed "EXPECTO PATRONUM!!"  A silver stag erupted from the end of his wand and stampeded towards Snape, tossed him into the air, and stuck him through his cape to the wall.

            "Apparently I got the wrong spell, because it seems the dementor is still with us."  The room erupts with laughter.

_            MUST… RESIST… URGE… TO KILL…!!!!!!!!!!!!!_

            Neville, realizing that Snape is positioned directly over an empty plant hook screams "FINITE INCANTATEM!!," causing the stag to disappear.  A much-bedraggled Snape falls directly onto a empty plant hook, and hangs from it by his ripped robes.  Neville bursts into gleeful laughter.  With those blazing green eyes, Harry looks right at him and states what the entire class was thinking: "THAT, was for Frank and Alice Longbottom."

            Several seconds go by, a minute, two minutes…  _an EON.  Realizing that no one will help him down, Snape mutters a spell under his breath, the plant hook vanishes, and he falls to the ground.  In one sweeping movement he stands and faces Harry._

            "A most excellent example of a Patronus from such a young wizard.  Congratulations, Mr. Potter."

            The collective volume of all these open mouths could hold the whole of the Atlantic…  Should I give him a detention?  No, he would expect that.  What to say?

            "And I must say your technique is excellent.  Please, would you stay after class and show me that again?  If, you wouldn't mind?"

            "Yes, Professor"

[After class]

            "I suppose you know why I've asked you to stay after class"

            "You enjoyed being pinned to the wall so much that you want me to do it again?"

            Wincing, "Sirius told me via owl that he spoke with you last night."

            "Yes"

            "Well, let me get directly to the point.  As your true godfather, I have always felt that you need much more careful guarding than Dumbledore has been willing to give you.  From now on, you shall live with me."

            "But it's school rules that all students must live in the dormitories!"

            "Yes, but as I'm sure you are well aware of by now, Potter, yours is a special case.  Besides, you've never cared about following school rules up to this point, so why start now?"

            "Sirius said nothing about this.  I doubt if he would approve of…"

            "Don't you realize now that it doesn't MATTER what Black thinks?"

            "SIRIUS isn't dead, so I don't have to listen to a WORD you say."

            "Oh, but it think you do."  Snape pulled a piece of parchment from his pocket.  On it was written _actually forged.  I have to admid I did a very good job:_

"Dear Harry,

            Look, I know you're not happy about this situation, but it cannot be helped.  Listen to Snape.  Do EXACTLY what he says.  He has your best interests _ha!_ at heart.

--Sirius"

"So you see, Potter, it seems you haven't much of a choice, if you are to listen to your 'godfather'."

            "Damn you!  You've always hated him, because he was my father's best friend.  You were never allowed into their group, and it bothers you to this day.  You want me now after all these years????  Fine, you can have me.  We shall see how long this sudden outburst of love lasts."

            "I'll see you tonite by the edge of the Forbidden Forest, Potter.  Be there no later than 10 PM, and bring your things."

            Without pausing to await Harry's response, Snape swept out of the room.  _Why bother to wait for a response, when I could hear his mouth hissing "SONOFABITCH!"?  The child will be there, and that is enough…_


	4. Remembrance

Disclaimer:  duh, hp isn't mine.  I don't get money from it.  I'm a college student.  Having money in college is a sin, isn't it?

Author's Note:  This story takes place during year five.  Btw, this chpt took a hell of a lot out of me, so I doubt I'll update for a little while.  Prolly this coming weekend.****

**1971, Platfom 9 ¾**

_            Just great… I'm standing here with an ugly owl and a House Elf and no one will talk to me.  What did I expect?  When did anyone ever talk to me.  Suddenly, I was nearly knocked over. "_What the hell!?!"

            "Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't see you!"  _A petite girl with bright red hair, cheeks and nose peppered with freckles stared up at him with large green eyes.  She seemed a bit uncomfortable with the setting:  her hat had slipped over one ear, and she tripped on her too-long robes.  I've never seen anyone lovelier._

            "Don't worry about it.  Red hair?  Are you a Weasley?"

            "What's a 'weasley'?"

            "Nevermind.."

            "Hi, I'm Lily Evans.  What's your name?"

            "Severus.  Severus Snape."

            "Wow, what an awesome name!  Everyone in the wizarding world has such groovy names.  I'm just stuck with plain ol' Lily Evans."

            "Don't say that.  Lilies are my favourite flower."  _Great one Sev'.  Why don't you just lean down and kiss her feet while you're at it._

            "Aww, that's sweet.  Hey, can I sit with you on the schoolbus?  Heh, I mean train?

            "Sure." 

[…]

            Evans, Lily.    Ravenclaw!

_            Please put me in Ravenclaw.  PLEASE put me in Ravenclaw!!!_

            Snape, Severus.  Slytherin!

_            Sonofabitch!  Why did I even hope?.  What other house had a Snape ever been placed in?_

[That Night…]

            "Severus, I wish I had gotten into Slytherin."

            "It's probably better that you didn't, Lily.  Slytherin's don't like muggle-borns…"

            "So does that mean you can't be my friend now?"

            "Of course not, Lily"

_And I've never regretted sitting with her that day.  It was that day that I learned that Mudbloods were not the scum of the earth that my parents had raised me to believe.  Lily was nothing like any person I had ever met…_

**1973, Hogsmeade**

            "Sev, over here!"

            "Oh, hello Lily.."

            "What's wrong?"

            "Oh nothing, just that stupid Potter and his mates.  I wish they'd leave me the hell alone."

            "Yeah, I've noticed how horrible they are to you.  I wish I could make them stop!!"

_            She's so beautiful when she's like this.  When she's defending another human being.  Suddenly, she reached over and gave me the most tender hug._

            "They better leave you alone, because I don't know what I'd do without you."

            "I don't know what I'd do without you either, Lily"

            We stood there together, holding each other for what seemed like forever.  I don't know how she felt at that moment, but I could have stood there for the rest of my life.  If I'd known then what would happen to her, I never would have let go. 

**1975, Forbidden Forest**

****

"Severus, we are going to get in SO much trouble!"

            "The only person that will be able to tell we've been here is Hagrid, and you know how much he loves you"

            "But still, Dumbledore says every year that we're not supposed to go in here…"

            "Lily, it will be ok, I promise!"

            "Ok Severus"

            _We spent the whole day together building our treehouse.  James and Co. still hated me, especially James because I had Lily. The incessant pranks would have driven me mad if not for Lily.   With the rising anti-Muggleborn tensions in Slytherin, it was becoming increasingly difficult for Lily and I to spend time together.  The Treehouse was the only place we ever felt safe after that year.  With all of her Charms skills, Lily hid the Treehouse from the public's view.  The centaurs could still see it, but they did not mind us.  We respected their forest, and they respected our friendship (and my love).  We spent hours there talking, studying, laughing, sleeping, being…_

**1976, Treehouse**

            I was shaking like a frightened child.  Had that really just happened??  I had long suspected that there was something odd about Remus Lupin, but certainly not THAT.  And James?  James saved my life.  But why?  Why indeed…  I began to cry. 

            Lily climbing the rope ladder.  Lily by my side, hair mussed, clothes wrinkled, rubbing sleep from her eyes.  Lily looking more radiantly lovely than I ever could have imagined.

            "Severus, I waited up as long as I could in the library.  Why didn't you come?  _The moon came from behind a cloud, and she saw me_.  SEVERUS!  What happened?"

            _Again she was in my arms.  She began wiping my tears away with the sleeve of her robe.  I began to cry harder.  I clung to her, sobbing.  I had never cried in front of her before, and I was ashamed.  Suddenly, Her hand was in my hair, her thumb stroking my temple.  _"Shh, Severus, shhh.  It's ok.  It's ok, I promise.  Whatever it is, it's ok.  I'm here.  Shh.  Severus, please, stop crying.  Shh, there there.  Shh.."_  She drew my head towards hers, looked at me with the moon reflecting in those glowing emerald eyes, and softly kissed me. I had loved her so many years, and there she was, kissing me.  I cupped her face with my hands, and just looked at her, memorizing the contours of her cheeks with my fingertips, the light in her eyes with my heart.  I cradled her head against my chest, absently stroking her hair.  Then, _"I love you Severus" _came from her lips.  Kissing her again, I told her I loved her too._  _We stayed the rest of the night holding each other .  She never asked me what happened that night, and I never told her._

**1996, Edge of Forbidden Forest, 10:01 PM**

            "Good Evening, Mr. Potter"


	5. The House

            "Follow me, Potter."

            "But sir, you know the rules about the Forbi"

            "Potter, would you mind explaining your sudden love of the rules?"

            "Mostly, it's because the last thing I want to do is follow an ex-Death Eater into the Forbidden Forest!"

            "I don't blame you Harry for that sentiment.  You've been told a lot lately that you just have to trust me, but I'll say it again:  TRUST ME."  This is for your own good.  Now follow me."

            So we wove our way through the Forbidden Forest in silence.  I purposely took the longest route so I could have more time to hear Harry's thoughts.  Though an extremely painful experience, it helped me get to know the boy a bit better.  "Yeah, thanks a LOT for helping me carry all this crap.  Bloody git.  Well isn't this great!  Mom and Dad are killed; Ginny's almost killed; I gain a godfather, but cannot see him; Cedric's killed, and now I get to live with one of Voldemort's toadies.  I can't go to sleep at night without my mind being attacked and now I have to live with someone that will attack it all day long.  YES I KNOW YOUR LISTENING YOU GHOUL!  Why is Dumbledore letting this happen to me?  He makes me stay with the Dursley's this past summer to 'keep me safe' and now makes me stay with Snape.  At this point, I don't know which is worse.  I'd rather be BABYSAT by a dementor than to live with him!!  I never got to see Sirius before, but now it will be worse.  If he makes me stay here for Christmas I'll kill myself.  That'd show them all.  'The Boy Who Lived dies.'  They'd all LOVE that.  Actually, no one would care.  They all thought he was crazy…"  iHow like his mother his mind was, full of turbulence over those she loved and hated.  The body that housed the mind was James', but the eyes were hers.  The eyes are said to be the windows to the soul.  How ironic that the same eyes could lead to two completely different yet radically similar souls.  /i

            Snape muttered _lumos_, and his wand lit, causing his house to be seen.  "We've arrived."

            Harry looked up and surveyed the ramshackle house.  He could see the main structure, formed of brick, and several subsequent additions, mostly built from the wood of the forest.  A rope ladder lead up the side of a tree that grew from the center of the house, but the ladder inexplicably stopped three quarters of the way up the tree's trunk.  Though curious about the significance of the ladder, the last think he wanted was to start a conversation with Severus Snape in the middle of the Forbidden Forest in the middle of the night under a full moon with nothing to protect himself but a trunk and an owl.

            Opening the door, Severus beckoned Harry into the house.  To his surprise, he saw that Snape did NOT take the same care with his house that he did with his potions.  Dirty dishes were piled in the kitchen; books were strewn about the living room; robes hung from everything in the bathroom.  Snape didn't seem the slightest bit embarrassed as he lead Harry through the house, up the stairs to Harry's room.  _I did my best with this room.  Minerva had been brilliant with her ideas.  I hope that he likes it.  It will make all this much easier if he has a livable haven.  _The room was covered with posters of _Nimbus_ and _Firebolt_ brooms, Bowls were filled with Bertie Botts' Every Flavor Beans and Chocolate Frogs.  The ceiling fan had miniature Golden Snitch's _that was difficult…_ hanging from the cords.

            "Damn, you didn't do half bad, Professor."__

            iThat was the first halfway-nice thing the boy ever said to me.  His tone rang of Lily's voice, and my heart lurched./i

"Goodnight, Potter."


	6. The Pensieve

Disclaimer:  I'm getting so sick of writing that harry potter's not mine and I'm getting no galleons from writing this angsty little piece

AN:  like I said, this is an alternate universe sorta.  If I were a betterer writer I'd be able to figure this out better.  Let me know of any inconsistencies and I'll attempt to fix them.  Btw, for those of you who have read ootp, you realize why I've written harry so annoying.  It's b/c he IS, damn it.  If you haven't read ootp, you need to, b/c you'll understand this all so much better.  Just fyi, was having a IM convo with fellow fanfic writer Faber Wolffe while writing this (THANKS FOR THE HELP) and coined this nice phrase:  "snape is just one huge fluffy ball of sarcastically sexy angst."  Must make a bumper sticker…

            Those first few weeks were torture.  Though I hated to admit it, I saw so much of myself in the lad.  Ironic that Lily's son was so like me… yet so like his father!  Though he acted as if he thought I were the spawn of Satan, his thoughts betrayed him.  I saw that Legilmency classes were torture for him, as they had been for me.  The boy began to warm up to me ever so slightly.  Then he saw… the incident concerning the Marauders and the briefs.  Of course, the ONE day I had to wear briefs, and it was in front of Lily.  The fact that she even WANTED to build the treehouse with me after that says a lot about her…  I made sure the boxer briefs were on from that day forth!  But I digress.  I should not have reacted the way I had.  The lad obviously wanted to know more about me; I was his 'godfather' chuckles for God's sake.  Nevertheless, any father-son feelings he may have had for me vanished.  The house was quieter than it had been before Harry had come.  It was only then that I dared show him more of the past.

            "Harold, please come here."

            Stomping into the room, "You only call me that because you think it makes me angry."

            "Ah yes, but what you fail to remember is that I KNOW that I makes you angry.  Your thoughts betray you, Harold."

            Jibes at the boy were so much fun then.  As weird as it sounds, making people squirm has always been a bit of a larf for me.  "Potter, I know things have been strained between us lately, but you must know that it was very difficult for me to know that you had seen those events."

            "Well, instead of storming out like a spoiled brat and slacking off on your JOB, you could have let me apologize!"

            deeeeep breath  "I know it was probably disturbing for you to see your father in such a light.  I would like to make things right again.  If I may."

            Snape removed the Pensieve from a drawer in his Potion's closet.  Placing the wand near his temple, he pulled out a shimmery, silver, nearly-as-shiny-as-his-raven-hair memory and placed in the Pensieve.  "Harry, please.  It's important that you see this."

**Yule Ball, 1976**

            Harry watched as his mother walked into Moaning Myrtle's bathroom to freshen herself up.  Her then waist length hair was curled into separated ringlets held back from her face by a silver tiara.  Her emerald robes of watered-down silk matched her tear-filled eyes.

            "Damned Slytherins.  Why did everyone just stand there while THEY called me those horrible things?  MUDBLOOD!!?!  Are they so dumb as to not realize that all wizards and witches nowadays are half-blood at best?"  The door burst open.  Lily pulled out her wand from the folds of her sleeve.

            "Lily??  You better be in here, because this is the ONLY girl's bathroom I haven't braved."

            "I'm here, Severus…"  "Severus," Harry wondered.  Why not JAMES?  Then Harry saw something he could have gone through his whole life without seeing:  his mother bursting into tears.  Her whole body contorted with silent sobs.  Snape quickly strode towards her, Harry supposed with the intent to comfort her, when suddenly Lestrange, Rosier, and Wilkes stormed in, lead by Bellatrix.  Snape's body twisted with rage as he threw himself at them.  Lucky for the both of them, it was just enough movement to catch the four Death Eaters off guard.  Lily pointed her wand, Severus dove out of the way, and she bellowed "CONTURBO!!"  Harry smiled:  his mother was known for her hexes.  All of the Death Eater's movements became stilted.  It was as if they would step right when they meant to step left, and vice versa.  The hex usually lasted ten minutes.  It was long enough for Severus to grab Lily and heave her out bathroom door.  Harry faintly heard a Splash and a giggle, and knew Myrtle must be having some fun with them…  He almost said "Go Myrtle!" aloud, but figured Snape might hit him at this point.  He continued watching.  He saw his father race down the hall.

            "SNAPE, WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING TO HER???"

            "First, absolutely nothing.  Second, I don't see why it bothers you so much, Potter.  You've never showed any concern for Lily's well being before."

            "Shut up, Snivellus.  Lily, has he hurt you??"

            "Like he says, why do you even care James?"

            "Because… It wasn't right what they did to you back in the Great Hall."

            "Oh really?  Nice of you to wait until after the fact to state that."

            James is noticeably uncomfortable, "As long as your alright, Lily."

            "I'm fine, James.  Though belated, I suppose I should thank you for your concern.  Good night."

            Harry watched his father slowly walk away from the two.  As he rounded the corner, Lily burst into another spat of tears.  Severus put his arm around her, and he slowly walked her in the direction of Gryffindor tower.  The image became obscured as Snape mixed the contents of the bowl with his wand, pulled out his memory, and replaced it delicately to its home.

            Obviously trying to hide his welling tears, Harry whispered, "Exactly why did you show me this, Snape."

            "So you could see, Potter, I'm not the completely evil person you perceive me as being.  It was this incident that caused your mother to make me your godfather.  She said that any Slytherin that was willing to help a 'Mudblood' Harry flinched during the rise of the Death Eaters was a perfect choice for your Godfather.  James had fancied your mother for years, as you could see by his actions.  They started dating soon after this…

            heavy sarcasm"Oh, so was THAT when you joined the Death Eaters?"

            This child senses more than his own good…  How many of the Dark Lord's memories had been subconsciously instilled in the boy??

            "It's time for bed, Potter."

AN:  yay yay that's done.  So much closer to the chapter that's eating away at my brain.  Hope y'all enjoy.  As usual, please R/R!


	7. Potions

Disclaimer:  if I owned harry potter, I wouldn't have to WRITE a/b Alan Rickman, I could see him every day on the set.  And then… **sigh**

AN:  hope y'all like.  I did my best.  Fanfic's being a butt, so if the alignment/coding's screwed, I'm sorry

**[Many Days Later]**

            "Professor, may I talk to you?"

            "Of course, Harry.  What is it."

            "That memory you showed me… it's really been bothering me…"

            "I'm sorry, but it had to be done."

            "I know, but still…  Can I tell you something?"

            "Certainly."

            "I kinda know how Dad felt.  I mean, I've…"

            "You can tell me Harry."  _Don't Roll Eyes, DON'T ROLL EYES_

            "Well, see, I really liked this girl named Cho.  But see, I asked her to the Yule Ball, but she was already going with… Cedric.  Then Cedric dies and she and I start you know… going out.  Then I realize she's just trying to stay with me because of Cedric.  I know how Dad felt, loving Mum when she obviously had feelings for you and vice versa…  And not being able to have her...  Even after they were married, she must have thought of you…

            _I could have burst out crying…_

"You could have a point, Potter.  But it's getting close to class.  Shall we go?"

            _Harry strode past me, and grabbed his books.  I walked over and stood behind him, placing my hand gingerly on his shoulder.  That way, if he flinched me off, I didn't have to pull my hand that far away.  He turned around, with tears clinging to his eyelashes.  He was as embarrassed as I was the day I cried in front of Lily.  I pulled him towards me, cradling his head against my chest.  _"Dear God, boy, please don't cry… "Shh, Harry, shhh.  It's ok.  It's ok, I promise.  Whatever it is, it's ok.  I'm here.  Shh.  Harry, please, stop crying.  Shh, there there.  Shh.."

            _And I truly felt for the boy.  All my hatred for him melted at that instant.  How could put him through what was to come??  This might kill me before it's all over._

[…]

[Divination] 

            "Ok, class….. it's Time to begin studying crystal balls."

            "Didn't we already do that?!?!"

            "Yes, Ronald Weasley, but as you all failed it, and it could prove useful with the impending war against He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named….

            The class collectively gasps.  
            "As I was saying, as it could prove useful, I am bringing us back to it.  Before each of you is a crystal ball and a book with the most popular symbols found in crystal balls.  Please gaze into the mist and tell me what you see."

            "Yes Professor Trelawney"

            "This is a load of shit, Harry"

            "Yeah, I know Ron.  Just stare at it and sleep with your eyes open."

            "That's the ticket.  By the way, is something bothering you?  Your eyes are all puffy."

            "I'm fine."

            "Look, you can tell me!"

            "I'M FINE!!"  Harry's crystal ball burst from the intensity of his anger.

            "Professor, I accidentally… blew up my crystal ball."

            "Try not concentrating so hard next time, Harry."  With a flick of her wand, the broken pieces of the ball disappeared and a shiny new ball replaced it on his desk."

            "Just leave me alone right now, Ron."

            "Is that bloody git bothering you?"

            "Just leave me be."

            Harry glowered at the crystal ball, seeing if he could blow up another one.  Suddenly his scar ached with a fierceness he'd never encountered.  It was as if someone stuck a red-hot poker through his skull, jiggled it up and down, lit fire to his scalp, and threw him in hydrochloric acid.  He swayed back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs, "STOP, STOP IT!  GET AWAY FROM HER!  SHE'S DEAD.  LET HER BE AT PEACE FOR GOD'S SAKE.  DON'T!  STOP!  IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!  STOP!!!!!!!!!"  Then he let out a blood-curdling scream.

**[Snape's Dungeon]**

            "Drink this, Harry."

            "What is it??"

            "It will soothe your headache."  _Actually, it'll make you forget what you've seen in that trance.  Damn Trelawney.  She could have ruined everything._

            "Where am I?  Everything's fuzzy"

            "I took of your glasses so you could sleep.  You're in the dungeon."

            "What time is it?

            "Just after lunch."

            "Wait, I'm going to be late for Potions!!!  Oh wait, heehehee, so are you."  _Apparently the potion's taking effect._

"I've…cancelled Potions today…To take care of you."

            "Hahahahhaa, that's a first.  Hehehehe, you're hair's shiiinyy"

            "Yes, I know…"  _Oh boy do I know_

"WHOAAAA, w/out my glasses on,you look like dad!  HEY DADDY!!!!!!  Gi' us a hug!"

            _Don't cry… don't cry.  GOD DAMN IT DON'T CRY_

            "Go back to sleep, Harry."

**[That Evening, Great Hall]**

            "I did what??!?

            "You started to sway and yell stuff a/b some dead woman."

            "Ron, I have no idea as to what you're talking about.  I was in Divination, woke up in the Potions dungeon, and then woke up again in my bed, and that's ALL I can remember."

            "Look, I was there next to you.  We all saw it.  Ask anyone.  Trelawney looked HORRIFIED."

            "I never should have dropped Divination.  Too much interesting stuff happens when I'm gone."

            "Yeah it does, Hermione…Ron winks at Hermione"

            "OH SHUT UP, RON!"

            Hermione stomps off in a huff

            "You know, if that didn't happen EVERY meal, I MIGHT be concerned."

            "Heh, good one, Ron."

**[Next Day, Potions Class]**

            "And that, class, thought I hate lowering myself to even CALLING you a class, is how you make a Anti-Itching draught.  Follow the instructions on the board.  At the end of class, I will infect you all with Poison Ivy.  If your draught works, your itching will cease immediately.  If not, your body will become covered in oozing pustules.  These will last at least a week.  LONGER if your draught is poorly mixed.  glares at Longbottom  Good Luck, one and all, but ESPECIALLY some of you"  _Man, this is my FAVORITE_ _lesson…_

            "Neville, come sit next me…"

            "Thanks, Hermione."

            Snape walked up and down the rows.  He stood next to Neville, who was stirring the mixture with a swizzle stick.  Neville began shaking with fear.

            "……Good job, Neville."

            "Thhhthttththhank you, Professor."  Neville BEAMED."

            _That had to be the easiest way in the world to distract the boy._  Snape muttered "Accio wand!" under his breath.  _Almost done.  Now that I have Longbottom's wand, this plan is almost complete.___


	8. Eve

Disclaimer:  If I owned Harry Potter, I wouldn't fire the cast and bring in new ppl after PoA.  I mean, come on, we can unage adults, so kids shouldn't be that hard.  We KNOW their voices have changed.  Get over it ppl.  Those kids ARE Harry, Ron, and Hermione.  That's just me though..

A/N:  Sorry for any confusion.  Hopefully it'll be resolved in the next chapter, depending on what you're confused a/b.  I seriously DO know where I'm going with this.  I promise all will make sense in due time.

_This is the night.  I probably should get some sleep before then.  Now that the time has come, will I be able to go through with it?  Yes, I must.  I've waited far too long...  Far far far too long……_

**1977, Treehouse**

            "What are YOU doing here?"

            "I had to come, Lily."

            "I told you not to speak to me, now that you're one of THEM.  How COULD you?  You say you love me and want to be with me, and then you join THEM.  They want to KILL ME AND YOU JOIN THEM!??!! HOW COULD YOU!!"  Lily begins pummeling Severus' chest with her balled-up fists.  He tries pull him to her, but she forces him away with a fearsome glare.

            "Lily, please.  I told you I didn't JOIN them.  They forced me into it.  I swear!"

            Lily begins to cry, "FORCED you!  Yeah, ok, they forced you deep into the Forbidden Forest, made you stand there while they tattooed a snake on your arm, and made you bow before Him!  Fat load of crap, that."

            "Lily…  you DO know what the Cruciatus Curse is, right?"

            "Of course I do, but what does that have to do with ANYTHING?!"

            Severus stares at her in the darkness.  The moon is again glowing in those fiery green eyes.  How could he have let this happen?  He was going to lose her forever.

            Realization began to dawn on Lily's face.

            "What…?  No, they didn't…  they couldn't have…  it's forbidden."

            "Of course it is; that's why they use it.  I seriously did **not** know it had happened until they brought me out of it in the middle of the ceremony.  I just thought I was having the most painful dream of my life.  Then it was too late.  The Dark Mark was already on my arm.  Once that happens, you can never go back…"

            "I want to believe you…  But how could you NOT know!?"

            "Trust me, I wish I had……I couldn't…I don't…sigh…"

            "…What, Severus."

            After what seemed to him to be an excruciatingly long pause, "Simply put, I love you.  The last thing I'd ever want to do would be to jeopardize us being together for the rest of our lives.  I never wanted this to happen.  But, now that it has, I can't…"

            "Be with me."  Tears begin pouring down Lily's face.

            "You have to understand!  If I'm with you, they **will** kill you.  There's no question about it, they **will**.  I will NOT be responsible for your death.  ……I love you too much."

            "So what your saying is that because you love me, you're not going to have anything to do with me."

            "Well, put like **that**, it sounds horrible."

            "It IS horrible!"

            "Lily, your death would be horrible.  We've been friends now seven years, and I've loved you the whole time.  If knowing that you are safe means not ever being with you again, then so be it.  It would be the death of me if knew that I had put you in any type of danger."

            "No, no.  I can't deal with this.  You shouldn't have told me!  I could have hated you the rest of my life.  But now that I know, and that knowing means being apart from you…  IT'S NOT FAIR!  I love you too much for this."

            "What did you say?"

            "I said I love you too much for this."

**1996, Snape's Bedroom**

            Because of my personal appearance and lack of friends, there had always been a doubt in the back of my mind telling me that she could never truly love me.  Any doubts I had had previously of her true feelings melted away with the tears streaming from her eyes.  I strode over to her and pulled her to me.  If it had been possible, I would have kept her safe in my arms forever.  But with the Dark Mark, I knew the Dark Lord would be able to find me anywhere.  She stayed in my arms, sobbing.  Her face buried into my chest, she asked me why this was happening to us, and I told her honestly that I didn't know. Placing my hand under her chin and lifting her face towards mine, I softly rubbed her tears away with my fingertips, I tried to comfort her, but there were no words that could have helped us that night.  Just as she had done what seemed like ages ago, I tipped her head towards mine and kissed her.  Hungrily, we stayed locked together, attempting to become closer and closer.  But it wasn't close enough and we knew it.  I don't remember how it happened, but we had gone from standing together to kneeling on the floor of the treehouse.  I looked down at her, knowing it was the last time we would ever be this close.  She asked me if I was ready.  Saying yes, I began to weep.  We made love to each that night.  It was the only time and the only woman I have ever made love to.  The fellow Death Eaters used to make fun of me for being a virgin, but I knew better.  Memories of that night have been the only thing I've had to keep me going these last 19 years.  Afterwards, we laid their together, talking about nothing really.  I gazed at her, trying to create a perfect picture in my mind of her laying there resting her head on my chest.  The last thing I can remember before going to sleep was the radiance shining from her eyes.  It was love, simply that.

            That was the last time I ever saw Lily Evans.  By the time I woke up the next morning, she was gone, leaving behind only the ribbon she had been wearing in her hair.  We graduated the next week, but something had happened to her parents and she missed graduation.  I couldn't even risk sending her an owl telling her goodbye for fear the Dark Lord would punish her.

            When I first came back to Hogwarts, I asked Professor Dumbledore if I might build a house in the Forbidden Forest, telling him some cockamamie story about wanting to be closer to the fauna I would need in my potions.  With that look of omniscience Albus always seems to have, he gave me his blessing.  I built the house around the base of the tree housing our treehouse.  Soon after the completion of the house, with the faded ribbon in my hand, I visited the treehouse for the last time. I found a shoebox sitting in the middle of the floor.  On top of the shoebox was an envelope.  Opening it, I pulled out a note which read:

Severus,

            Never forget how much I love you and how special this house was to us.  I doubt that I will be alive when you read this.  Voldemort has killed many of the Order (of which I'm sure you're well aware) and I know that we must be next.  We've devised a plan that will keep us safe, but I have my doubts.  I only worry for the safety of my son.  Please keep what you will find in the box to remind you of our love.  Until I see you again.

With my entire heart,

I love you,

Lily

            Lily's death was still fresh in my mind.  I sat crouched on the floor, sobbing for what seemed like hours.  I stared at the box, terrified about what might happen to me if I opened it.  I finally opened it, and found every note I'd written her, every flower I'd randomly picked her, every picture of her that I'd drawn, a necklace I'd given her for Christmas, and a snapshot of her from our seventh year.  Delicately handling every item in the box, I inhaled its fragrance, hoping for some whiff from the past to comfort me.  All I gleaned was a trace of her perfume, but it was enough.  I sat the rest of the night, watching the picture of her smile and wave at me.  It was nearly more than I could bear.  For the only time in my life, I called in sick at school, but Dumbledore again knew why and understood.  The box is still up there, with everything in it but her picture.  Her picture will forever be housed in the breast pocket of my robes.


	9. Unicorn Blood

AN:  and now, the moment you've all been waiting for….!!!  drumroll

_            It is time_.

            "Harry.  shakes Harry  Harry, wake up."

            "Afjpoikqtjlk?"

            Snape repeated himself in his sternest voice.  Harry shot up, 'Wha??"

            "Dumbledore needs to see you… now."

            "But it's the middle of the night."

            "Harry, you know how busy he's been with the Order and with Umbridge.  This is the only time he can meet with you; I suggest you don't lose your chance."

            "Ok…"

            Snape led Harry out of the house and into the Forbidden Forest.

            'But why the Forbidden Forest, Professor?"

            "Because even Albus Dumbledore's office is no longer safe."

            And with that statement, Severus left Harry to his own musings.  _I can't do this.  The boy looks so frightened.  I can't.  I just… But I must.  I have been so lonely and so lost these long years.  Lily.  I need her once again._

The two came to a small clearing in the Forest.  Snape turned, and stared Harry dead in the eyes:  "What is it you want more than anything else.  Not for the world, not for anyone else; what do you want for you."

            Harry didn't even blink.  "A home and a family, sir."

            Feeling slightly justified in his actions, Snape muttered, "So be it."

            Without warning Harry in the slightest, Snape bellowed, "_Petrificus Totalis!_"  Harry stiffened, arms pressed to his sides, and fell to the not-so-soft earth.  Severus, when seeing Harry like this, lost any love he had had for the boy.  The Death Eater in him had not completely been killed, and it pleased him to be so in control over the life of a human being, especially one he had Severus bent over him, his long hooked nose grazing Harry's own nose, and whispered, "So, you want your family that badly, eh?  Well guess what!!!  You had them for what, a year, maybe two, of which you remember NOTHING of them except their deaths?  I had your mother for seven years.  Seven GLORIOUS years.  You think you've gone through pain?  Try being me for just one day and know that you lost the one person that ever meant anything to you to a idiotic, punch-drunk, Quidditch-crazed moron!!"

            With that last phrase, spit had flown out of Snape's mouth, covering Harry's face.  Snape swooped away from Harry, facing away from him.  Harry's eyes were still as round-as-saucers from the shock of Snape hexing him.

            Turning around and kneeling on Harry's chest, Snape screamed, "And you know what the worst part is?!  I found myself beginning to love you too.  You.  You fiend!  How DARE you look at me with those eyes, criticizing me with eyes that are not your own.  How DARE you think that you know me, that you have the right to judge me.  Me love you?!  I, the horrible Snape ,love no one!  And you know why?  Because the only love I've ever had was ripped from me when THIS [thrusts sleeve up, revealing the Dark Mark] was ripped into my flesh.  And then she went to POTTER.  The one person in the world I wanted her with the least, and that's where she flew.  And then you came along.  If for nothing else, I had to protect you because of Lily.  Then again she was ripped from me, in the most accursed of ways.  Why should I have protected you then?  James Potter's child, who looked so much like him it killed me to look at him.  Even with all my love for Lily, it was only the Wizard's Debt that kept me from killing you every time I saw you in class. YOU, you smug, arrogant celebrity.  You think that your every whim and want matters to people.  You say or do anything, and Albus just smiles and does your bidding.  They can't even see how blinded you have them.  And I almost couldn't see how blind you had me.  Thinking you liked me, respected me… LOVED me, as your mother had.  No, you couldn't even do that.  And now, you will pay.  You WILL pay.  And no one is here to rescue you this time, Mr. Potter."

            Snape pulled out Neville's wand, and reaching down, yanked Harry's wand from the folds of his robe.  Placing the tip of Neville's wand onto Harry's scar, he began muttering incantations in the tongue of Salazar Slytherin; the tongue of the Basilisk.  He knew it was working.  He could feel the connection between him and his former Master taking place.  He could sense Voldemort's location without actually knowing where was.  It did not matter though, all he needed was to FEEL where his master was.    The connection was almost complete. Soon, if his research was correct, he would be holding Lily Evans once more.  That though caused his entire body to burn with anticipation, longing, desire, and urgency.

            The connection was complete.  Severus Snape, tired of the long wait, the years of torture, screamed _Accio Wand _ with every fiber of his being.  Within seconds, he was holding the Dark Lord's wandin his hand.  Removing the hex from Harry, he immediately put him under the Imperious Curse.  Placing Voldemort's wand in Harry's hand, he urged him to attempt to disarm him.  Harry began to yell "_Expelliarmus_" and as he did, Snape screamed "_Expelliarmus_."  Just as Harry had told Dumbledore, the two spells met in midair.  Urging his spell to move back into Voldemort's wand, he waited for what he knew would happen.  He had to hurry, as he knew that Death Eaters could come at any time to claim their master's wand, as well as Snape himself.  As he expected, Voldemort's latest kills, along with the screams of all put under the Cruciatus Curse, issued forth from the wand.  And he was correct.  First came Bertha Jorkins, then Frank Bryce, an aged Muggle, and then…. Lily.  Lily as she had been the day she died:  still young, still beautiful.  Severus quickly removed the connection, thrust his hand into his robes, pulled out a vial.  It was a potion that only he could have created.  Unicorn's blood to bring Lily from the edge of death, and medicine of the Faerie Folk of Avalon to release the curse from the Unicorn's blood.  He pulled the stopper from the vial with his teeth, and thrust the liquid down Lily's throat.  The other two shades vanished, leaving Severus holding his living Lily.  He crushed her to his body, sobbing like he hadn't done in years.  Lily was barely breathing, and hung limp in his arms, but she was alive.  And she would be with him till the end of their days.

            What Severus had forgotten was that had ceased to keep Harry under the Imperious Curse during all of this.  He had been aware of everything since the connection had been broken.  And Harry knew unicorn blood when he saw it.

            "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE, YOU BASTARD!  YOU'VE WORSED THAN KILLED HER!!  SHE'S CURSED NOW!  FOREVER!"  Harry ran to his mother's side, pummeling Snape with his fists, "STOP, STOP IT!  GET AWAY FROM HER!  SHE'S DEAD.  LET HER BE AT PEACE FOR GOD'S SAKE."  Snape turned away from Harry, still holding Lily, angering Harry even more.  "DON'T!  STOP!  IT'S NOT FAIR!!!!!!  STOP!!!!!!!!!"  And with that, the famed Boy-Who-Lived, knowing in his heart that his mother was cursed, and that it was his fault for trusting his "Godfather," wished for death for the millionth time in his short life, and slipped into unconsciousness.

AN:  yeah, that took like too long to write.  Sorry for the two month delay.  


End file.
